We are all Performers, whether in mothering or on the stage
I am a professional singer who, through my search to end crippling performance anxiety, became an Advanced EFT therapist in Cork, B.A. Psych. Combining Eastern energy healing with Western psychology, I work with a variety of physical & emotional issues, specialising in Performance anxiety, Stage fright, Dread, Exam nerves and Chronic Fatigue. If only I’d known back then what I know now!
As a singer, anxiety sabotaged my dreams and kept me living small in my career. From sceptical beginnings, I have been converted by the miracles I’ve seen unfold with Emotional Freedom Techniques and love guiding others towards their Greatest Potential. I work passionately with performers, because I want YOU to realise your dreams. I offer private therapy sessions on Douglas Road, Cork city or Online healing via Skype.
This is Part 2. To see Part 1 click here: https://neasadebaroid.wordpress.com/2017/10/16/anxiety-performance-anxiety-stage-fright/
THERE IS A CHILD IN US CRYING OUT FOR LOVE
Despite being much loved, there is a child in many of us crying out for love, desperately alone because, try as s/he might it was never right enough. Some primary carers create this unknowingly in trying to establish unreachable standards by which they expect their children to live. Likewise, it can result from a carer who suffers their own anxiety or shame issues, inflicting their edginess on the child. There is no safe place from the shouting, undermining, shame and an impression of being desperately isolated, alone and unloved in this environment.
This child, along with her hurt is often in a state of stifled rage; a Feminine Rage towards the male, or Male rage towards the female, that silenced the safe expression of one’s truth. A child needs an environment that nurtures the unfolding of one’s colour, opinions and creativity. The alternative renders the child powerless and voiceless, living in an unending state of fear of expression, ultimately resulting in inability to access or even recognise anymore who they really are.
The Result? An individual, who despite immense talent, skill and ability, feels it is safer to live purposeless, unexpressed, thus devoid of her passion, her message to the world. Living without purpose leads to a deep and profound depressive state of despair, pointlessness in living this life at all, a feeling of “What am I doing here?” An all-consuming grief; a Self that yearns to be expressed, yet instead lives small and silenced.
When that expression tries to break free from the chains, to reach out passionately, the terror grips and we retreat into a state of frightened hiding. Safer to suffocate than to risk putting oneself out there and be made feel we’re wrong again, ashamed, and the desperate aloneness in concluding we are not enough to be loveable. There is light at the end of the tunnel for those who choose to break free.
WE HAVE COME TO THIS WORLD TO LIVE WITH PASSION AND PURPOSE
When a child feels unloved, rejected, abandoned, pushed away, or too pressured to live up to some standard that has been set, (this occurs in various ways. See https://neasadebaroid.wordpress.com/2016/11/29/self-value-and-its-tentacles/), an inner emptiness manifests as melancholy throughout life as we constantly try to fill the gnawing void within. This is the birth of Co-dependency and loss of our power.
We spend the rest of our lives trying to divert from a pain which threatens to annihilate us, as we perceive being pushed away by others into Aloneness and Isolation. We suppress SHAME (not being Good Enough to be Loveable) into our cells/our energy bodies. This shame is then constantly triggered by life events.
SHAME: We feel unsafe when threatened by shame, so we spend our lives trying to deflect it. Thus, we become angry and disappointed at ourselves for mistakes or lack of perfection, assuming we’ve exposed our seemingly inept self to other’s ridicule or anger. Others successes may be the only trigger required to make us feel inept and ashamed, unleashing resentment, exhaustion, sickness, self-sabotage, defeatism and depression.
This constant berating of ourselves and demanding of Self-perfection can lead to Chronic Fatigue, as in my own case, Fibromyalgia and Adrenal burnout, where the colour seems drained from life. Believe me, the nature of who you truly are – light and joy – never dies. We can pull back the clouds of trapped emotion revealing the brilliance that is always within.
In a nutshell: We are all performers. Whether through the act of mothering, public speaking, exams, or social situations, most of us will experience PERFORMANCE ANXIETY at some point in our lives. Consider the high achiever who crashes into anxiety on the birth of her child because babies come with no manuals, rendering the high achiever out of control of doing it perfectly.
The following are the steps, in order, of how this anxiety develops. Ultimately it is a cry for Love and an avoidance of the rejection:
- TRAUMA OCCURS THROUGH UNDERMINING, OVERPRAISING, DEMANDING TOO-HIGH STANDARDS OR OTHER CAUSE
- TRIGGERS SHAME REACTION THAT BECOMES SUPPRESSED
- CAUSES CONCLUSION OF BEING NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE LOVEABLE
- RESULTS IN SUPPRESSED REJECTION PAIN
- OUR WORST FEAR IS FEELING THAT PAIN AGAIN
- WE FEEL PUSHED OUT AND ALONE, FEARING THIS PAIN CAN ANNIHILATE US
- NEED TO CONTROL OUR ENVIRONMENT TO PREVENT REJECTION
- LEAVES A CONSTANT GNAWING ANXIETY OF NOT BEING LOVED
- LEADS TO PERFECTIONISM, FEAR OF MISTAKES, HIGH ACHIEVING FOR APPROVAL
- DIVERSION THROUGH RELATIONSHIPS AND OTHER ADDICTIONS, WHICH IS THE BIRTH OF CO-DEPENDENCY AND LOSS OF OUR POWER
- REFUSAL TO EXPOSE OUR GREATEST POTENTIAL FOR FEAR OF REJECTION
- DESPAIR AS WE DENY OUR GREATEST POTENTIAL
- FEELING OF NO PURPOSE – HOPELESSNESS, DEPRESSION
- AILMENTS LIKE CHRONIC FATIGUE, FIBROMYALGIA FROM HIGH PRESSURE TO PERFORM PERFECTLY
I have learned through my own journey as a professional singer, crippled by stage fright, that Performance Anxiety is very curable with the right approach, with time and with learning to love and accept ourselves exactly as we are. I now work with performers of all types. My work is about guiding people towards their GREATEST POTENTIAL in this life, living with passion and purpose.
Healing is far more common than staying stuck. My Guarantee to you, the client is that your issues will be dealt with in a safe and respectful environment. If you feel ready to heal your life, please feel free to contact me to discuss how I can help you move forward. Call Neasa +353(0)87 2535287 or email email@example.com
Neasa De Baróid is a singer, performer and an EFT Practitioner in Cork City, Ireland