Sports Anxiety: Becoming a Winner with EFT Therapy By Neasa De Baróid, B.A.Psych/Soc

Golf Art. Juan Les Pins, France   

                                      

SKYPE EFT THERAPY FOR SPORT with EFT CORK

Biography: Hailing from Cork City on the south coast of Ireland, Neasa completed her psychology/sociology degree at UCC in 1988, and dived full-time into the world of professional international singing.  Debilitating performance anxiety eventually took it’s toll physically, forcing Neasa to look deeper into the causes that required healing.  She rediscovered her natural affinity with all things psychological and, mixed with her passion for energy healing, she trained as an EFT therapist – Emotional Freedom Techniques.  Her keen insight into the psychology of performance issues has led to many performance schools referring their students to her.  Neasa still sings professionally.  “We are all performers.  Whether as parents, employees or on stage, we hunger to be our best” – Neasa  http://www.efteurope.com   www.eftcork.com   www.neasa.com

A professional tennis player contacted me about what had become a pattern of consistently losing tennis games.  As ‘Chris’ was preparing for a major WTA tennis championship, his panic was running high.  The following occurred in five sessions via Skype.

No stranger myself to
Stage Fright in my capacity as a professional singer, we quickly got straight to the main cause — his dad. A controlling man, acting as manager, the father tried to improve his son’s performance by shouting at him, regularly pointing out his weak points in an undermining fashion.  When Chris imagined his dad, his anxiety was at a 10, so we weren’t going anywhere until we put him emotionally back in command with his father.  Using mental imagery of the dad at his worst, roaring, we made a list of Chris’s fears:
  • That his dad might lose control and hit him
  • That he was a huge disappointment to his father
  • That dad held all the money, hence all the career decisions; Chris was utterly dependent
  • That each time he failed, instead of bringing home badly needed prize money, it was costing the family more and more
Entering Senior age bracket, the pressure had mounted because of an initial win, which he put down to beginner’s luck.  Becoming flavor of the month had actually intensified the pressure.  After that, he lost four games in a row.  Subsequently, losing became the norm.

We used the EFT Movie Technique on his four losing games, during which I queried why he’d put his initial win down to beginner’s luck.  Because he was now playing against people he had admired, four names in particular, he felt small and inferior and had pre-determined he didn’t have a chance against these seasoned players.  We tapped on: “Even though he’s older than me and has good ranking, we are all Top WTAs, all with equal skill. The only difference between us is the size of our thoughts”.  We tapped on Chris seeing himself as huge, vast, powerful.  Eventually, he was able to close his eyes and say each of the four players’ names with 0 intensity.  He reported they now didn’t look “big,” and that he was actually recognizing his own special skills.

I asked him to see himself winning against them.  This was still difficult because, he explained, he lacked speed in reaching the ball and noted a previously unidentified thought that “There’s no point, I won’t make the ball”.  While tapping on this limiting belief, I asked Chris to imagine being in the game, feeling his body, and to gauge what it was about his body sensations that made him conclude this.  Chris responded, “The assumption I won’t reach the ball reduces my energy to run, and makes my legs feel heavy”, so we tapped on this, and then replaced it with more positive suggestions such as “I can always reach that ball, swift, easy, lightly”.

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There was, however, some remaining belief about an inability to reach the ball and still some of the heavy feeling in his legs. I got a sense of an unsafety issue, a need for protection.  Tapping, I asked why he would need to keep his legs or arms so inflexible and prevent himself reaching too freely for that ball; for what reasons was he protecting himself by keeping his reach small.  He answered, “In case I damage my leg further”. It emerged that he had broken a leg in his younger years. He realized two limiting beliefs in this:

First, he was harbouring a previously unidentified, subconscious assumption that the leg was weak and that it would always impede his speed in reaching the ball.                Second, he feared in stretching too far the leg might snap again, leaving him permanently damaged as a tennis player.  He was thus subconsciously protecting this leg.  The belief and the fear it caused had resulted in shortening his reach for the ball.  We tapped all aspects of the injury as well as the belief and fear that resulted and kept tapping until the intensity dropped to 0.

We then tapped in an image of his dad accepting him, win or not win.  In between our sessions, Chris tested the results with his father.  At our next session, he reported how his view of his dad had changed.  Initially, his dad had seemed to hold huge power over Chris.  Now Chris saw his father as injured through his own childhood and acting out from that childhood injury. Chris now saw a frightened child instead of an overpowering dad. There was some remaining anxiety, however, which we brought to 0. Interestingly, his father was now being kinder and more respectful toward Chris, and had apologized for treating him badly.

Our only responsibility is to change ourselves. Time and time again, however, we find that when we let go of feeding an unhealthy relationship, there is nothing for the other to feed on energetically, and the other’s behaviour toward us changes as a result. Also, others can sense that we are firmer, taking less nonsense. They begin to treat us as we treat ourselves—respectfully!

 

Open to your Greatest Potential, your full colour

 

In Chris’s next session, he was much more vivacious, having played a match and won. Now the real fun began. Though it is crucial to break down old emotional traumas and the limiting beliefs that result, I find the building-back-up part exciting — planting new seeds, new self-images, and watching the client’s body language and facial expression release before my eyes.

I put together a visual program for Chris, based on NLP. While tapping, I guided him through a new vision of his game and of himself, which he saw in his mind’s eye:

  • His opponents were getting smaller, then tiny.  Meanwhile, he saw himself expanded with the newfound confidence we were planting, yet light, fast and agile.
  • His tenns racket was the ideal weight, fitting his hand comfortably, and seemed to do all the work for him.
  • The ball seemed to be coming in slow motion, allowing him to see well in advance where to aim, and getting there way ahead of time.
  • I had him hear his name being called as the winner; hear the crowd roaring.  Feel the love coming from them.  Feel the support of fellow players
  • See his father’s joy – for Chris.  Feel the trophy in his hands.
  • Changing his false impression of senior players as superior to him, which had created cowering and muscle tension.
  • Feeling his legs as nimble and filled with energy.

Brighter Performance with EFT

You can’t be in “the Flow” with tension. You can’t be in “the Flow” when your energy is focused outward, anxious about your audience, your family, your teachers, your coach, your opponents.  Consider it like carrying a heavy sack of bricks while trying to perform.
I got my final Skype call from a happy tennis star.  The images we had planted all came to life — even the ball moved slower! And he had just “knocked the socks off” his opponents in six consecutive games. 😊

Blending EFT with a deep instinct for what creates human struggle, I use these same techniques effectively for a variety of physical and emotional issues.  If you feel you could be living greater, with more purpose and passion, I will be so happy to guide you in moving towards your #GreatestPotential.

Clarity of Mind and Realisations Through Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) – Part 4 – by Éimer Godsil

Eimer4

Oprah Winfrey and President Obama are advocates of EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUES TAPPING THERAPY, using it daily for PERFORMANCE ENHANCEMENT in their very productive lives.  They take responsibility for what they deliver to this world.  Éimer Godsil is no exception to this team!  Not keen to settle for mediocre, she has proven her courage in changing her relationship with her world and now eagerly wants to spread the word so that YOU may live more joyfully, more fully, through healing your life also. Neasa is delighted to host Éimer’s healing journey, as follows, on this blog.

Neasa is a professional singer who, through her search to end crippling performance anxiety, became an Advanced EFT therapist in Cork, B.A. Psych.  She works passionately with performers, eager that YOU realise your dreams.  Combining Eastern energy healing with Western psychology, she works with a variety of physical & emotional issues, specialising in Performance anxiety, Stage fright, Dread, Exam nerves and Chronic Fatigue.  Neasa offers private therapy sessions on Douglas Road, Cork city or Online healing via Skype.

How Fantastic Do I Feel – Ready to Blow the Boundaries of My Comfort Zone

 After Session 12 on 30 June 2017

Singing

  • Heir Island pop up choir, doing the solo bit and to think I was laughing when you said in the tapping ‘I think I’ll do a solo piece’, laughing at the ridiculously unlikeliness of that happening, and there you go, that’s exactly what happened. J
  • Singing on the weekend with the cycle group, with the mic and sang 2 songs! That was a first. And forgot to say to you that when I was walking up the room to the mic, though my heart was thumping, I felt excitement rather than fear, you had said that too in the tapping.

My Truth

Because I don’t know what I want to do – if helping the homeless, going on Greenpeace boat or some other issue etc. is what I want to do- I just don’t know. But I want to live to my truth, in my power. If I am doing something that is nice for another person, it has to be the right thing for me too, but I need to get to know what that is! I am a lot closer with the last 7 months of EFT. I want to know what it is I truly want to do with the rest of my life. I have so much energy now that my headspace isn’t taken up with the rejection, grief, opinions (yes still there, but not to the same extent as before). But dealing with the opinions thing and the ‘want to do’ thing, how do I know what it is I want to do, my greatest potential! Maybe when my headspace is more cleared and less muddled that will become apparent. Even the fact that I can be thinking of this means that my head is A LOT more cleared out than it was. ……… Meanwhile I can just enjoy this new me.

Some of the things I do I don’t want certain people to know about – I wouldn’t be telling them, because of what they might say (or think), eg what is she at now, singing in a choir, where did that come out of. I know from where it is coming from for them, based on what you have said and the tapping (small minded, not loving themselves, their issue) BUT still it affects me.

Also, forgot to tell you that in the space of a few weeks recently 3 people have admired my legs, 3 different people in 3 different situations and not necessarily people I know well and all women too! So how nice is that. The second time I couldn’t believe it! The third time I was absolutely blown away.

After Session 13 on 04 August 2017

WOW! How fantastic do I feel!

The level of happiness I feel is gone through the roof. Happiness isn’t even the right word, I can’t think of a word to describe how I am.  ‘Happiness’ doesn’t do the feeling justice. It is euphoria; I feel like I must be on something! You asked me the last day about the shifts for me and which ones were big etc., well this one after the last session (we dealt with shame) is huge and I didn’t think it was possible to get any as big as from the   issue. It has increased over the last few days. I am more expressive and I feel this love inside me, like it has been waiting to come out of me, have felt this for the last few months too, with varying intensity. I feel I understand and am on the same wavelength as my family, even though they may be all on very different planes. Not being willing to accept changes and differences in my family was fear on my part. I was living my life through fear, afraid of the unconventional, of what I couldn’t control. Now I feel in tune with them and what they are doing and have an understanding without having to try to make myself understand. I have this surety that everything will work out perfectly.

The healing of the shame has negated most of what I said above after Session 12, it doesn’t apply anymore – AND the thing is I haven’t even done the tapping from this session yet! I will wait until this euphoria settles down a bit.

I haven’t got angry since starting the EFT and rarely get annoyed, can’t remember the last time. On the issue related to my father, How you dug that out of me Neasa I just don’t know, something I was always aware of, but didn’t think was an issue for me at tall, thought I had dealt with it. Whereas I knew I hadn’t dealt with the rejection or of Gearóids death

After Session 14 on 08 September 2017

Felt a calmness after this session, not so much the ‘high’, buzzing energy I have felt after so many of the previous sessions. We had a BEREAVEMENT on my husband’s side of the family. Through it I was very solid and calm and felt I knew what was what and made good decisions. The old me did not reappear initially. But it did, at times. When that happened, I did somewhat default back to my old self and I noticed things became about ME, in my own head anyway, others didn’t notice so much and it passed – If I did my tapping, that helped.

When my energy is flowing well, the giving, emotionally and physically, is easy and feels good and is what I want to be doing; little annoyances are not annoying. I felt a love and understanding for those most affected and great appreciation for little helps people gave at the time of the funeral. Whereas, when the energy is disrupted the emotional giving becomes difficult, I start to feel sorry for myself, maybe feel like crying and I go through the motions of doing the physical helping, rather than being more than happy to do it. I don’t want to feel that way but found it hard to rise above.  I did my recordings from the previous session and they got me back on track and showed me the importance of doing them to reinforce the session. And the times when I feel sorry for myself, I think are related to childhood and coping by myself with all the various emotional upsets, not having emotional support.

Physically, I feel fantastic, not just great energy but also stronger, more flexible and supple.  Also, people are just randomly striking up conversation with me, on the street or in shops, which turns into a real feel good from total strangers.

Last session in tapping we dealt with me having my needs met and asking for help, particularly around the house. There has been an unbelievably positive shift in this. When I ask people to do something it happens, willingly, with no tension or difficulty on my part. Feels like somebody flipped a switch and this aspect of my life has gone from being an unease to just part of the normal good flow of the day. Plus I don’t feel I am imposing on others by asking for help, within the household and outside. But I am only asking people to do for me what I willingly do for others. I have always overcompensated with doing more than my fair share; doing way more than what was fair to me. Didn’t think this was an issue for me, and certainly not a big issue. It is a big issue for anybody – having ones needs met is important for everyone and it has nothing to do with selfishness, in fact the opposite, if a person is having their needs met, they are then freed to give more to others. After the session, I realised I was not having my needs met and I didn’t know how to ask. Now I ask in a way that is not selfish and doesn’t put anyone else out.

After Last Session on 20 October 2017

I have completed, run the full gamut of the EFT process. And what a journey it has been for me. I am a different person than when I started. I am that person that was in me always, but had never fully seen the light of day, just a peek every now and then. The way I felt in those brief moments is the way I feel consistently now, but better because previously, though it was great to feel that way, I knew it wasn’t going to last. Whereas now I know it is here to stay. When I read back over, particularly, the early weeks I am thinking ‘was that me? Did I really think like that?’ I actually find it hard to relate to! I am that changed and it is about how I feel inside, how I feel about myself.

Eimer5

My inner child is a great gauge of where I am at. What a fantastic technique you introduced Neasa, with asking the inner child how she is doing ‘what is the best thing for me to do right now for you?’

Doing what I want to do, what I want to achieve is so much easier now, anything I want to achieve, I now feel ‘yeah, I can do that’, so doing new things is exciting for me rather than the feeling that I was pushing myself to my limits and being fearful. With events I want to go to, I just decide I want to go and then it comes to pass with ease. The other thing is, when I go out to some event or meeting people, I now know I am going to have a good time and enjoy myself. Things which once I thought would have been extraordinary for me to do are now just part of who I am. Also, I am not relying on others to bolster me, now me bolsters me.

Before doing the EFT, if I was in good form, I always felt that it wouldn’t last, if something negative happened it would create a slump for me, my good form would leave and I would never know for how long, none of this would be very obvious to others of course, but I knew how I felt.

I was in a very happy place in my life when my brother died, so that sudden phone call was a huge shock, I was shot down, went from 100 to 0 in an instant. As a result, I developed a LIMITING BELIEF that if I became too happy I would again be shot down. The belief that if I became too happy something bad would occur was limiting me from being truly happy. My subconscious kept me from happiness; it was protecting me from getting another fall, similar to the one I had received. I then carried this in my life for 22 years, especially regarding my children. I have been so fearful that something bad would befall them. It wasn’t too bad when they were small as I had a good deal of control over their lives.  Anytime they would ring I would expect that something was wrong and would breathe a huge sigh of relief when it would transpire that they were just calling to say hello or wanted a lift home. Also, as time went on, instead of this feeling abating as I got used to my kids being away from the family home more often, it just got worse! I didn’t let on to them how I was feeling of course, didn’t want to pass on my fear to them, now did I! But, the thing is, if that emotion, any emotion, is present, others can sense it. Like joy or happiness, can’t we pick that up from someone when we meet them? Negative emotions are the same. I don’t want my children living their lives through fear. They are young and on the cusp of life, they deserve to have a free run at their futures, using their own judgement and instinct, not shackled by MY fear or my limiting belief. However, the good news is, that through EFT I have now transitioned from this, now living my life from a place of happiness and excitement, not from a place of fear.

I am now more patient with life, not wanting to control how my life goes or that of those close to me, I now don’t have to control what happens in my future, which has made me more relaxed and I am not putting my energy into this concern about the future.

My comfort zone was quite close to me, I felt I could touch it; it was scary to try and push it out further. Now my comfort zone is way out in space and there is a whole lot of stuff I want to do to fill it.

With music and colours, I am listening to such a wider variety of music and listening to music whenever I can, music I would never have enjoyed before, more upbeat, more melodious and discovering new stuff, ongoing, that I love and can’t believe I love now, I’m asking myself ‘Why didn’t I listen to this before?’’. I have written a couple of tunes too of course! Creative or artistic were the last thing I would have considered myself, still don’t know where this has come out of, still incredulous that I have done that. Also, I am wearing orange and starting to wear yellow! I have a bright orange scarf that I bought to match an outfit for a wedding years back, but didn’t wear it afterwards, now I’m grabbing it all the time, suddenly it matches everything! And the wearing of yellow, I couldn’t stand to have yellow anywhere near me, didn’t like it on others, let alone wear it myself, but it is starting to grow on me more and more.

Eimer6

What I didn’t realise Neasa is that all through my sessions with you, you were very gently planting seeds, planting seeds via the tapping, but also outside the tapping and they are now germinating, as my life and myself continue to expand. You say on your website that getting at core issues fast is your specialty, this is very true, but you are also expert at rooting out the nitty-gritty, the multiple small things that hold us back, that clog up our minds and prevent our true selves from shining, prevent us from exploring the wonderful experiences we can have in our lives.

Another good thing – my name, very few people mispronounce it now. Before I would tell people my name pronounced with an ‘A’ and they would call it back to me, but pronounced with an ‘E’. I would be thinking ‘what do I have to do here?’. That hardly happens anymore, people often ask me about it and say what a beautiful name it is.

  • 15 Dec 2017

Hi Neasa,

My choir debut was just great last Tuesday. What a buzz!

We got to practice on the altar of the church first and then sat and waited our turn. Half way through our performance I realised ‘I am not nervous!, am I not supposed to be nervous ?’ But there were no nerves, just excitement – just like you said in the tapping AND I was actually enjoying myself – again, just like you said in the tapping – I didn’t want it to end. My hard wiring told me that nerves are a part of a first performance such as this; a very good example to me of how my hard wiring is now changed and it is just one example of many. Another thing, when practicing during the week, I found it hard to remember all the words of all the songs, but when we were performing, instead of finding it harder to remember they came to me easier! People actually paid to come to see us, I’m practically a professional!  J My family came too which made it very special.  Same again now on Saturday night in Rockboro School and I can’t wait. 

We sounded really good, as far as I can tell, and got a great round of applause after and we took a bow 🙂 Karen Underwood wasn’t too bad either J. Thank you so much Neasa.  Every day I have examples of either being in my own power and/or of not seeing rejection, just fabulous.

The very last recording of my tappings, The Anchoring: As I continue to do it, I feel my confidence and solidity growing AND the different things you said in this last recording are starting to come to pass for me; the surety I have and lack of REJECTION in my life. I am coming more and more into my own power, which means I am making my decisions from a place that comes from within me. Before I would do/say/commit to something, knowing it was not right for me, but I wouldn’t be making the decision with clarity of mind, not with my best interests being considered. Now that clarity is there because all the emotional baggage is out of the way, I can get on with the rest of my life. So many of the phrases you used in the tappings were actually prophetic. Things you tapped on are coming to pass, such as changes in me, in situations and in people around me. Also, you picked up on issues that I didn’t think were issues, remember the food waste J. In this last tapping recording you put my whole EFT journey in a 15 minute nutshell. You were so in tune with where I had come from and where I was now at and what I wanted to become, that you encompassed all of that in the last recording. All this from what I said to you in the sessions, for you ask very, very few questions, only when it is necessary. What you said was so pertinent and I can see that these things are now coming to pass for me, in such a gentle, subtle way, in a way that I hardly notice, beautiful, thank you.

My experience while listening to the piece of music that Gearóid liked! I would never have had that but for the opening up of my energy channels by EFT and Neasa you enabled that.  You enabled me to free up my blocked energies which allowed all the good stuff to flow in. Your intuitive ability to interpret what I said in the sessions into the tapping was, to my mind, the difference between this therapy being useful for me and it being a life changing experience. And you did it expertly, with humour, professionalism and above all gentleness when it was most needed.

I realised recently as the old me is faded into the distance, my skin fits, that’s how I feel about who I am, what I am doing and what I am saying – yeah, my skin fits.

EG5

INNER CHILD

An account of how my inner child has progressed over the months of my EFT journey.

  • When we did the inner child technique initially, at about session 4 or 5 – as I spoke to her she was sitting on the floor playing/fiddling with her hands or shoes and didn’t look up at me, but I knew she was listening!
  • Gradually she started to look up at me, not smiling though and still sitting on the floor.
  • Then she would sit on my lap and was quite happy and relaxed.

And after that she would hug me tight, not much smiling and just a little bit of eye contact

  • Through the weeks I have noticed that she is standing up and much bigger, not older just bigger in size almost Alice in Wonderland-esque.
  • It is only as I am writing this that I realise, she is not smiling or making eye contact with me! Which indicates to me that though she is happy, she is maybe not secure enough yet to totally let go of whatever it is she is holding on to, for whatever reason.
  • When I ask her ‘what is the best decision for me to make for you right now?’, I do get an answer, sometimes it is a ‘sitting on the floor’ answer of ‘no’ or a ‘standing up’ answer of ‘yes’. And that is a brilliant resource for me to have…… I just need to remember to ask!
  • Now, where is my inner child? she is at a distance doing her own thing, not needy, just content and secure, not needing to be sitting at my feet looking up at me.
  • While dealing with the shame issue, she is still big and standing a little removed from me, but looking back at me with a serious look on her face and a little anxious. When I ask her how she is, she says to me ‘I really need you to deal with this shame issue, or else I can’t move on securely and be totally unshackled’.
  • When I think of my inner child now, most of the time she is standing in front of me with her arms stretched in the air, looking at me as if to say ’ I can’t wait for the rest of my life’. At other times, if there is something going on for me, she is looking at me saying ‘will you sort this out please, so I can get back to enjoying my life.’

Part 1: Clarity of Mind and Realisations Through Emotional Freedom Techniques – EFT

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More Information?

Healing is far more common than staying stuck.  My Guarantee to you, the client: Your issues will be dealt with in a safe and respectful environment.  If you feel ready to heal your life, please feel free to contact me to discuss how I can help you move forward.  Call Neasa +353(0)87 2535287 or email neasa@eftcork.com

Neasa x

Neasa De Baroid is a singer, performer and an EFT Practitioner in Cork City

Clarity of Mind and Realisations Through Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) – Part 3

Longstanding Effects of Bereavement and Shock

Eimer1

Neasa is a professional singer who, through her search to end crippling performance anxiety, became an Advanced EFT therapist in Cork, B.A. Psych.  Combining Eastern energy healing with Western psychology, she works with a variety of physical & emotional issues, specialising in Performance anxiety, Stage fright, Dread, Exam nerves and Chronic Fatigue.  If only she’d known back then what she knows now!

As a singer, anxiety sabotaged Neasa’s dreams and kept her living small in career.  From sceptical beginnings, she’s been converted by the miracles she’s seen unfold with Emotional Freedom Techniques and loves guiding others towards their Greatest Potential. She works passionately with performers, eager that YOU realise your dreams.  Neasa offers private therapy sessions on Douglas Road, Cork city or Online healing via Skype.

Oprah Winfrey and President Obama are advocates of EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUES TAPPING THERAPY, using it daily for PERFORMANCE ENHANCEMENT in their very productive lives.  They take responsibility for what they deliver to this world.  Éimer Godsil is no exception to this team!  Not keen to settle for mediocre, she has proven her courage in changing her relationship with her world and now eagerly wants to spread the word so that YOU may live more joyfully, more fully, through healing your life also. Neasa is delighted to host Éimer’s healing journey, as follows, on this blog.

See Part 1: Clarity of Mind and Realisations Through Emotional Freedom Techniques – EFT

After Session 9 on 31 March 2017

A part of me is resisting the concept of the purpose of Gearóids death – the other lifetimes, all of us in each lifetime having trials so that we can attain the state of ultimate/divine love. Why should I care about that? I don’t know of any other lifetimes, only this one I am living in right now and I want him to be here in it with me. What is the purpose of his death? What is the purpose? Another part of me can accept this, more than 20 years hence, mind you, and that is fine, the rest of my life starts now and I can’t change the past.

I want to believe this, but not just for the sake of believing in something nor just to help in my acceptance of his not being here with me but actually truly understanding that it had to happen and thus, yielded this outcome – this outcome that I don’t know yet. I had thought I had reached a good level of acceptance on this but from the session last week I now think maybe not, maybe reconciled that it has happened, rather than acceptance and that I can’t change that fact. Also, I am afraid to let go of the grief, afraid I will be ‘glad’ it happened for this, as yet unknown to me, greater purpose – you mentioned this Neasa. Though I am not afraid that he would be hurt that I would forget him or not want him to be here, we were close (as adults anyway – fought like cat and dog as children………at times J), he would know he will never be forgotten and he would want what is best for me, he wouldn’t want me to be upset over him, certainly not 20+ years later.

My amazing incidences that occurred around Gearóid after my session on my grief –

  • Gearóid and 7/7/1977
  • cousins car reg 1777
  • the Porsche reg 7777
  • Just to explain all the ‘7s’ above a little J –

On 7th July 1977 we were staying with our cousins and Gearóid told them that that day was the 7th of the 7th ’77, they always remembered it, (which I didn’t!). I visited my cousins the day after this appointment (Session 9) with Neasa (no coincidence there!) and my cousins reminded me of when Gearóid had told them of the 7th of the 7th ’77, all those years ago. Also, one of my cousins had wanted to change her car and got a very good deal on a car she would love to have and the reg is 1777. Lastly, the following Friday, back in Cork I was waiting at traffic lights and I noticed a very sleek fancy black sports car, a Porsche no less, then I looked at the reg, 05 MH 7777! I couldn’t believe it, and all this happened between my two sessions which dealt with my grief around my brother. I believe he was telling me ‘you are on the right path, keep going’.

flower-lilyBlue bkground

“You are on the right path, keep going”

 

After Session 10 on 11 April 2017

I was very nervous coming to this session! I didn’t know why, just that I was. That happened me once or twice before and they turned out to be ‘big’ sessions for me, as this one was. The previous week’s session (9) just delved a little into Gearóids death et al. and didn’t have a huge impact, I think it was just paving the way for the heavy stuff that we tapped on this session. A lot of grief around closing the coffin. I have always said since, when at other funerals that that is the hardest part, but when thinking of it, that part wouldn’t have caused me particular upset – Supressing my emotions maybe. Writing this bit on the 13th April and still don’t feel ready to do the tappings I have recorded from the session! A little afraid of what they will throw up for me. The enforced 2 week plus break with your absence Neasa is meant to be for me.

Did the first tapping from the session (eventually) and more shouts stuck in me were released, most didn’t sound like me, I thought. And listening back to the other recordings, I think there is still quite a bit of sadness and grief there, which is conflicting in me a bit, as I don’t think there should be after nearly 22 years!  But if you ask me what did I do to deal with Gearóids death? I would say talked to friends a bit, accepted their sympathies and that was it. Not really sufficient given how difficult it was for me and what a shock it was. So there is bound to be grief supressed there and I have had a feeling of being stuck. But had accepted that this was as good as the grief was going to get and I could cope with it without too much bother.

 

There is quite a bit of collateral damage/after effects from the shock of the news and the effect on me and my life due to Gearóid not being here. I have made a list of these below.

  • Last time I saw Gearóid……
  • Realise that the very moment of closing the coffin was the end of having him and the beginning of the rest of my life (probably a long one) without him.
  • Would have stayed in the funeral home on our/my own with him for hours touching/holding his face and hands, but we couldn’t, people were waiting outside, we were long enough as it was.
  • I imagine my children’s faces in a coffin. Imagine their funerals.
  • Shock of initial phone call from Micheál with the news. Have been a few bad news phone calls, thus now I get panicky when Micheál or my children ring me, sometimes it is worse than others. Plus, at that time I was the happiest I had ever been and the phone call shattered that with shocking suddenness, I got a huge fall from the height of my happiness at the time.
  • I never worried about Gearóid and look what happened!! Therefore, I think if I don’t worry about my children something bad will happen to them. Worrying about them is affording them a protection in my mind.
  • Don’t think I grieved properly; crying and time were all I did. Talked a bit about it, but that can only help so much. Not wanting to upset the house, as much because I couldn’t handle that as anything else.

 

Eimer2

The Journey home passes through a cascade of emotions.  Only then can we see through the fog

 

After Session 11 on 05 May 2017

Again, I am a bit reluctant to start doing the tappings from the session, but I can give myself time. Over the past few weeks I have done some tapping of my own and have found it helpful, in not too deep situations.

I can’t believe how good I feel! I can’t. Did the tappings on Gearóid from the last session just once and that one time plus the session has given me huge release. I am very nearly there with that and I haven’t done the ‘sit and connect with him’ that you suggested as yet.

Hi Eimer

Ask him to help you make sense of this so you can find peace with his going.  Ask him to show you the purpose to it, why it had to happen, what it is trying to teach you.  Sometimes we are here to learn about loss or grief. X  Neasa

When I think of Gearóid now, I think of him in the same way as I think of Conor, for instance, when he is away. There is a peacefulness and pleasantness about it. Before there was this angst between us, me cross and resentful with him for leaving me and so suddenly and I pictured him as being a little anxious, I think, at my unhappiness and lack of acceptance. Now his countenance is much more relaxed and gentle.

Other than that, I can’t believe how good my life is, how happy I am, my head has become so much clearer, I usually do and say the right things instinctively, the difference is incredible, the old me becoming a distance memory. I look forward to everyday; to every part of everyday. This is hard to explain, but if I was out, daytime, night time, with the kids without them (when they were smaller) it didn’t matter, I had this subtle anxiousness to be home, like I was afraid something would happen out of the blue and I then couldn’t control it. But at least if I was at home I had some platform or place of comfort from where I could deal with it. I wasn’t even aware if it until recently when I see the difference.

eimer3

There is always light at the end of every dark tunnel

 

Also, I was reticent about going out, more so in the evening, to a concert, cinema, event, whatever. I would say ‘yes’ to going to something but I would be hoping, more often than not, that we wouldn’t be able to go or that my husband would decide he didn’t want to go. That of course would rarely happen, he always wants to be doing something, always has something planned. I, on the other hand was quite happy to just be at home. It was like my head couldn’t cope with too much different going on. Now !!;J I want to be out all the time, doing something all the time, enthusiastically saying’ yes’ to whatever is suggested. Not only that, but coming up with ideas myself of things to do and go to! I would rarely suggest something in the past – I know now that’s because if anybody showed the slightest negative reaction, sure I would take that as rejection, wouldn’t I! But not anymore.

Also, I haven’t listened to talk radio in months, I just want music music music!

Part 4 coming soon. To be informed of follow-up, click ‘FOLLOW’ button at: https://neasadebaroid.wordpress.com/

Part 1: Clarity of Mind and Realisations Through Emotional Freedom Techniques – EFT

More Information?

Healing is far more common than staying stuck.  My Guarantee to you, the client: Your issues will be dealt with in a safe and respectful environment.  If you feel ready to heal your life, please feel free to contact me to discuss how I can help you move forward.  Call Neasa +353(0)87 2535287 or email neasa@eftcork.com

Neasa x

Neasa De Baroid is a singer, performer and an EFT Practitioner in Cork City

 

Clarity of Mind and Realisations Through Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) – Part 2

Eimer 1
An Emotional Healing Journey, from Rejection, Stuckness, Limiting Beliefs, to Improved Relationships and living joyfully through Emotional Freedom Techniques – EFT tapping therapy – by Éimer Godsil

 

Part 1: Clarity of Mind and Realisations Through Emotional Freedom Techniques – EFT

Neasa is a professional singer who, through her search to end crippling performance anxiety, became an Advanced EFT therapist in Cork, B.A. Psych.  Combining Eastern energy healing with Western psychology, she works with a variety of physical & emotional issues, specialising in Performance anxiety, Stage fright, Dread, Exam nerves and Chronic Fatigue.  If only she’d known back then what she knows now!

As a singer, anxiety sabotaged Neasa’s dreams and kept her living small in career.  From sceptical beginnings, she’s been converted by the miracles she’s seen unfold with Emotional Freedom Techniques and loves guiding others towards their Greatest Potential. She works passionately with performers, eager that YOU realise your dreams.  Neasa offers private therapy sessions on Douglas Road, Cork city or Online healing via Skype.

Oprah Winfrey and President Obama are advocates of EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUES TAPPING THERAPY, using it daily for PERFORMANCE ENHANCEMENT in their very productive lives.  They take responsibility for what they deliver to this world.  Éimer Godsil is no exception to this team!  Not keen to settle for mediocre, she has proven her courage in changing her relationship with her world and now eagerly wants to spread the word so that YOU may live more joyfully, more fully, through healing your life also. Neasa is delighted to host Éimer here on this blog.

 

Rid Yourself of Rejection and Start Living the Life You Want

  • On 13 Feb 2017

Having a really great week, again, thank you. Go to bed at night and am excited about the following day, wake up in the morning looking forward to my day, nothing special happening, just going to work etc.  I have realised this week that situations arise for me regarding ‘REJECTION’, ‘being liked’, ‘deserving of people helping/being nice to me’, a debate then ensues in my head between the adult and the child (I used to call this my head and heart), with the adult telling me a contradiction of what the child is saying. Then to calm myself I am trying to convince myself that the adult is right, but this is a battle and lot of emotional energy goes into that and, of course, affects my confidence, SELF-ESTEEM and therefore my happiness. This thing of ‘being liked’, I am realising, is big for me, it is constantly there. I had other things I was going to raise with you, but they are peripheral, at this stage anyway. Anyway, I can explain further on Friday.  Thanks for reading this Neasa.  Hope you have a really great week.

 

I am beginning now to see what I need to deal with and their priority; detrimental aspects of my personality that are dictating how my life is. I want to be rid of these, the big obvious one and the small ones.

While I did get cross, annoyed, said hurtful things, my children knew they were loved by me – I said it to them and I showed it, lots of hugs and affection, also, I apologised to them. This wasn’t the case for me in my childhood with my mother, I wasn’t then and still am not sure if she loved me or not, it doesn’t feel good to say and write this.

As I have said, I have a level of sustained happiness that, quite truthfully, I cannot recall having experienced before. It is not that I have not been happy, but it was external circumstances which made me so; it wasn’t ‘me’ that made me happy, but now it is coming from inside of me, from the core person that I am.

…………………and the good things just keep on rolling in and I find myself saying, ‘did that just really happen to me?’

 

After Session 5 on 17 Feb 2017

I wanted to confide in my mother growing up, but conditions were not right – conditions being that she would listen, understand, empathise, be non-judgemental. I did try a few times.

I notice my heart more open every week. My life gets better and better. This may not come across in the sessions Neasa as we are dealing with ‘stuff’, but it is very much the case. I also find that a lot of the peripheral issues that I want to raise with you are ebbing, becoming less as the weeks go by.

Though there is still some there, I feel the FEARFULNESS to my moving forward with the process is lessening. I need to trust the process and know that whatever is thrown at me I will be able to handle. I can see the way the same things are happening to me, but I am reacting differently. And also, last week Neasa I was unsure of where to go and you just took control of the session and it turned out to be exactly the right direction for me. You are very good at picking out what is the important aspect that needs to be dealt with.

Maybe the fearfulness is that I feel I am being a bit unfair to my mother, she wasn’t a bad person, not a horrible person, didn’t deliberately say hurtful things or wasn’t trying to hurt me. I would say ‘I had a happy childhood’. So that this rejection is so deep is a surprise to me, didn’t think it was as deep rooted. I suppose I just got used to being the person I had become because of it.

So am I resisting clearing the rejection because of;

  • Surprise at its depth
  • Being unfair to my mother, betraying her,

She wasn’t that bad and I suspect, she would say she was an ok mother and did a fine job. She was more of a mother to me than, I would think, her mother was to her. She had a lot of good qualities, she was generous, didn’t nag, wasn’t strict, no pressure about school/study. But, there is fine line between not nagging/no pressure and getting guidance/being engaged.

 

After Session 6 on 23 Feb 2017

Went out to Portugal to spend a week with Conor and that is a story in itself!

Conor very sick with tonsillitis – won’t take antibiotics – was minding him – stayed in hostels and Air b and b – went to the market to meet his friends –  cycled to find the beach where his friends, Myag and Stef, might be to get his gear and passport – found beach, they not there – hitched with the bike, just once though – following day went back to beach on the bus/hitching as Myag and Stef were now there – met them and got Conors gear – Conor came home with me on Thursday – my annoyance with transfer to airport – rejection with touching Conor on the head. Plus I had no phone most of the time! left it with Conor to alleviate his boredom.

Bike ‘stolen’, showed me how everything had gone so well with all I had to do, on my own, But my own lack of Self belief that everything can be great for me and perhaps that I don’t deserve EVERYTHING to be great for me and don’t believe that I can have a fabulous life, left the door ajar for something bad to happen. That was my doing, definitely, because, as it turned out, the bike was not actually stolen! It was as if the universe was saying to me, ‘you don’t have to think that way, you can believe that you can have a fabulous life’.

Eimer 2

You can have a fabulous life

 

That week gave me so many examples of how far I have come, 90%, with all the asking for directions, finding and introducing myself to people I had never met. Also gave me incidences to show me the things I had to work on, the 10%. And Conor was the perfect person for me to do this with, he was very laid back and didn’t give me any instructions on what he thought I should do and didn’t mind how it all worked out, whether I found the passport or not etc. Just pats on the back and hugs each day when I came back after my adventures (he couldn’t talk with his throat!). This helped me relax and just concentrate on what I was doing without worrying about his reaction and what he would say/think. I think he was pleasantly surprised that I wasn’t my usual wreck head J – his term for me!! not mine (the old me, of course).

 

After Session 7 on 10 March 2017

Each week just gets better and better. The tapping on ‘important’ and ‘being regarded’ produced a big energy shift in me. Again, Neasa you used words that were very apt for what I was feeling, ‘validated’ being one. I notice now how I don’t take much heed of other people’s opinions of what I say or think. And even more so, I am not trying to People Please. I used to do this with everyone I encountered to some degree or other, from my children to people I didn’t know, people I just encountered briefly in the everyday. To not do this went against the grain and I was doing it so that they would like me. Now, it doesn’t bother me what they think – their stuff. I can now differentiate who I should be going out of my way for and when, sometimes it is those closest to me, but at other times it is not.

I am now making the small everyday multiple decisions in my best interest, not that I am being selfish, but just doing what works for me when it doesn’t matter to other people any which way. Before I didn’t know what I wanted to do in these everyday situations and would realise after that I wanted to do the opposite, but it was too late then – I am now not doing just pleasing others and that is very satisfying. I can now trust myself to look after me and therefore not be relying on other people to do it, from those closest to me to people I encounter only briefly.

 

After Session 8 on 24 March 2017

Turns out in the ‘bits and pieces’ session that inadequate produced a big energy shift (yes, another one!) for me. It is an adjective that I never thought applied to me, but it explains why I haven’t achieved my ‘GREATEST POTENTIAL’ or anything close to it. And also why ‘me’ couldn’t cope when, having more time and opportunity, I started to try new things in life.

Two Little Stories

  1. On Tuesday night Neasa, when you rang me in error and then you texted ‘I am an amazing woman…………’, I thought, what a marvellous way for anyone to speak about themselves, so few people do that, but you just do it naturally. The following morning, I awoke thinking ‘I am an amazing woman too!, not because of what I do or because of anything specific, I just am! And that is the way I feel about myself I would never ever have even dreamed I could think that way about myself.

Powerful, powerful stuff.

  1. At the end of my first appointment Neasa you were looking for a notepad on which to write the date on my next appointment and couldn’t find it, so you wrote it on a piece of paper. At the end of my second appointment you had the notepad and wrote my appointment on a sheet from the notepad. I put it in my bag and didn’t look at it until I found it in my bag 3 or 4 weeks later. The quotation at the top said ‘Be realistic, expect miracles’, had I seen that when you first gave it to me I would have thought ‘Ah come on, no way!’, when I did see it after a number of sessions I thought, ‘Ya, I think I could believe that’.

Eimer 3

Contentment looks like this!

 

The changes I feel in myself are truly unbelievable to me. All this week instances have been happening of where previously I would have seen not being loved or thinking people will think ill of me or I would have felt bad about myself. Now that is all but gone. If I do feel an element of rejection etc. I just talk to my inner child and basically tell her the things you said to say/ask and all is well.

Part 3 coming soon. To be informed of follow-up, click ‘FOLLOW’ button at: https://neasadebaroid.wordpress.com/

See Part 1: Clarity of Mind and Realisations Through Emotional Freedom Techniques – EFT

More Information?

Healing is far more common than staying stuck.  My Guarantee to you, the client: Your issues will be dealt with in a safe and respectful environment.  If you feel ready to heal your life, please feel free to contact me to discuss how I can help you move forward.  Call Neasa +353(0)87 2535287 or email neasa@eftcork.com

Neasa x

Neasa De Baroid is a singer, performer and an EFT Practitioner in Cork City

 

Clarity of Mind and Realisations Through Emotional Freedom Techniques – EFT

An Emotional Healing Journey, from Rejection, Stuckness, Limiting Beliefs, to Improved Relationships and living joyfully through Emotional Freedom Techniques – EFT tapping therapy – by Éimer Godsil

Eimer 1We build emotional prisons but can also unlock those gates to freedom

 

Neasa is a professional singer who, through her search to end crippling performance anxiety, became an Advanced EFT therapist in Cork, B.A. Psych.  Combining Eastern energy healing with Western psychology, she works with a variety of physical & emotional issues, specialising in Performance anxiety, Stage fright, Dread, Exam nerves and Chronic Fatigue.  If only she’d known back then what she knows now!

As a singer, anxiety sabotaged Neasa’s dreams and kept her living small in career.  From sceptical beginnings, she’s been converted by the miracles she’s seen unfold with Emotional Freedom Techniques and loves guiding others towards their Greatest Potential. She works passionately with performers, eager that YOU realise your dreams.  Neasa offers private therapy sessions on Douglas Road, Cork city or Online healing via Skype.

Oprah Winfrey and President Obama are advocates of EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUES TAPPING THERAPY, using it daily for PERFORMANCE ENHANCEMENT in their very productive lives.  They take responsibility for what they deliver to this world.  Éimer Godsil is no exception to this team!  Not keen to settle for mediocre, she has proven her courage in changing her relationship with her world and now eagerly wants to spread the word so that YOU may live more joyfully, more fully, through healing your life also.

After Session 3 on 24 Jan 2017

  • On 25 Jan 2017

 Hi Neasa

That was a very powerful session yesterday. The phrases you used were very apt. A lot of them I hadn’t even said to you, but they were so exact to what I was feeling.
You are so so good at what you do. Thank you.

  •  On 27 Jan 2017

 Hi Neasa,
What an amazing week I am having! Realisation after realisation, after realisation, plenty good things happening and a level of happiness, sustained, that I have never experienced before. A glimpse of the person I can be.
😊

For me the realisations are like a jigsaw puzzle almost finished or two halves done but they just don’t fit together and this last session with Neasa has found the missing few pieces for me in so many parts of my life. Things I thought I understood, but now realise the true meaning of and the reasons why I was doing them. Doing the same things, repeating them over and over, to fill missing voids! I thought, ‘most people are like this’ or ‘this is just the way I am’. Now, the same situations are arising, but it is I who am reacting differently, thereby getting a different outcome. This is all without a conscious effort on my part, without ‘positive thinking’ or ‘talking to myself in my head’, it is just what happens for me after 3 Emotional Freedom TechniquesEFT sessions with Neasa, effortless really.

I am not saying the process is a walk in the park; challenging situations do occur, but they are the lessons I need to bring to my session for Neasa to use with the EFT and for me to heal. Also, I am beginning to see much more clearly what I need to work on through the EFT.

I am now also more sure footed and decisive, it comes to me what to say and do in situations. I now just seem to instinctively know what the appropriate thing is to say and do and at the right time. I have always been decisive on the big ticket issues, but not the daily dozens of minute decisions we encounter constantly. Being indecisive drains energy; diminishes confidence and that gets you stuck. Decisiveness brings a confidence to step outside the COMFORT ZONE and thus allows you to blossom. Not pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone allows it to close in on you and your world gets smaller and smaller and thus, lacking stimulation, your life become very boring.

I have come so far in such a short space of time, with just 3 sessions. I look back through my notes from the first couple of weeks and I can’t even believe that that person is me or rather, was me. Everything in my life is so much improved, my relationships, my outlook, my outcomes.

I want to go the whole way with the EFT with Neasa, clear everything out, sort everything out so that I can move on with my life and be the person that I want to be, the person I now see I can be and do all the things with my life that I want to do. I am like a limpet that has become unstuck and is now floating freely in the vast ocean of life, going in whichever direction I choose.

Eimer 2I float freely in the vast ocean of life

REALISATIONS

  • Nurturing of my children – knew that I nurtured my children to the ‘N’th degree, loads of EMOTIONAL SUPPORT, making sure they were happy with their friends, lifts anytime, anyplace, anywhere, a constant radar out to monitor their emotional and general well-being. What I didn’t realise was that I didn’t overdo it on things like giving them money, the latest toys, electronics, designer sports gear etc., but did on the above. I had no compass for this, gave 110% all the time because I could not discern when it was the time to be right in there or when to step back and leave them to their own devices to see how they got on. Didn’t molly coddle them either, gave them a good dose of independence and autonomy, and had not much difficulty at knowing where to pitch this. But the nurturing! – full steam ahead, with no let-up in case I undercooked it. Glad to say, my nurturing compass is starting to work properly now.

 

  • My father went to great lengths in choosing my name for me, choosing a beautiful Irish name. He had double insurance in there on the spelling (É pronounced ‘A’ in Irish and ‘Ei’ pronounced ‘A’ in English, as in ‘eight’) so that no one would ever mispronounce it – his efforts in that regard failed miserably, I’m afraid J. But I have realised that he choose my name out of love for me, I always knew he loved me and that I was special to him – only girl with 3 older brothers! But the realisation of it has come emotionally.

 

After Session 4 on 03 Feb 2017

The area around my heart centre where the dark grey stone was lodged and had become, over the weeks, a paler stone, then a white pebble to a little tic tac, is now not there. Left behind, is just a smokey one-dimensional shadow, initially dark grey. This is now of almost white smoke, less dense, much more diffuse, of smaller diameter and I can see it beginning to rise and dissipate as I continue to tap.

I notice family members are also more expressive, voicing their opinions and their disagreement more, thereby more conversation is taking place, plus I find I am able to communicate more openly and freely, without confrontation. Note: I have teenagers/young adults in the house, so that is a bonus. Laughing more, seeing the humour more.

Seeing my husband’s kindnesses now as just that, instead of, as I was thinking, that they were my due! He never got involved with my moods, in the sense that if I was down he just stayed the same as always. I think I read this as him not giving emotional support but in fact, it was probably just what I needed, because if he had got enveloped in my moods, family life would have been very difficult indeed.

  • There is such a difference between knowing and realising.

My husband is my security blanket, which is an emotional support in itself. He is very good at sorting things out (not necessarily emotional things), being in control of the situation and knowing what to do and he hasn’t changed. I just had lost sight of his qualities. But so many parts of my life are clearer now – my relationships with family, friends, acquaintances; what I do and say; what I want to do and want to say. I didn’t realise how stifled and constricted I was and had become. It is like my heart has been opened; even physically that is how my heart centre feels. I have had reluctance when it comes to asking for help, asking people to do things for me, just small things, just in case they would, for some very valid reason, say they couldn’t do it. (Rejection issue) I actually hated ringing the babysitter! the teenage girl! in case she would say she couldn’t do it. Of course I had to make the call, not appropriate for the Dad to be ringing the teenage girl. ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’.

Eimer 3

I have a zest for and have fallen back in love with life

 

Part 2: https://wordpress.com/post/neasadebaroid.wordpress.com/409  To be informed of follow-up, click ‘FOLLOW’ button at: https://neasadebaroid.wordpress.com/

More Information?

Healing is far more common than staying stuck.  My Guarantee to you, the client: Your issues will be dealt with in a safe and respectful environment.  If you feel ready to heal your life, please feel free to contact me to discuss how I can help you move forward.  Call Neasa +353(0)87 2535287 or email neasa@eftcork.com

Neasa x

Neasa De Baroid is a singer, performer and an EFT Practitioner in Cork City

Anxiety / Performance Anxiety / Stage Fright – Part 3 CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME / ME

We are all Performers, whether in mothering or on the stage 

Life after CFS

I am a professional singer who, through my search to end crippling performance anxiety, became an Advanced EFT therapist in Cork, B.A. Psych.  Combining Eastern energy healing with Western psychology, I work with a variety of physical & emotional issues, specialising in Performance anxiety, Stage fright, Dread, Exam nerves and Chronic Fatigue.  If only I’d known back then what I know now!

As a singer, anxiety sabotaged my dreams and kept me living small in my career.  From sceptical beginnings, I have been converted by the miracles I’ve seen unfold with Emotional Freedom Techniques and love guiding others towards their Greatest Potential. I work passionately with performers, because I want YOU to realise your dreams.  I offer private therapy sessions on Douglas Road, Cork city or Online healing via Skype.

This is Part 3.  To see Part 1 click here: https://neasadebaroid.wordpress.com/2017/10/16/anxiety-performance-anxiety-stage-fright/

 

Sufferers of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or ME have many factors in common; the main one being Perfectionism; the physical outcome of this Fear of Failure is anxiety – living in an addictive state of Worry, Catastrophising, Worst case scenario thinking.  Inside the Perfectionist resides a brutal Inner critic that constantly nags that we are not good enough and need to do more, be more.  And so is born The carer, The people pleaser, The approval addict, The high achiever AND the one who considers themselves The failure (often viewed as unmotivated and lazy, but is actually defeated by the high levels they demand of themselves). In pursuit of acceptance, we push ourselves too hard to prove we’re enough, only to find fault with the outcome.

Included in the Risk group are those with the childhood belief that it’s hard to make money or survive without the hard slog.  This group will be found working two jobs or insane hours, always feeling the burden of their belief playing out daily; another perfect way to wipe out our energy and convince the body we are under threat from life’s demands.

Worry about the past and the future creates a constant state of high alert.  We become addicts of what I refer to as ‘List-O-Mania’, constantly making lists that hover over us like a guillotine from the moment we awaken.  We rip into the shower, shovel breakfast in and, foot to the accelerator, forge through our day with an ever-gripping tightness within.

These states of anxiety flood the body with the Fight or Flight chemicals of Adrenaline and Cortisol, creating an overactive Autonomic System.  (“The autonomic nervous system is a control system that acts largely unconsciously and regulates bodily functions such as the heart rate, digestion, respiratory rate, pupillary response, urination, and sexual arousal. This system is the primary mechanism in control of the fight-or-flight response” – Wikipedia).

headache with no face

The Amygdala of the Brain: Is the culprit of this whole pattern; a small almond shaped part of our subconscious brain, whose job it is to keep us safe, to trigger sensations that alert us to danger.  It wants to be our friend.  However, in today’s world, our Amygdala’s have taken over, working 24/7, spooking us into fear responses; tightening of breath, panic, anxiety, pervading nervousness that ‘something bad’ is going to happen to threaten our very existence.  And you ask why you cannot sleep at night??

The result is stress, in response to which our body enters the state of Fight, Flight or Freeze (FFF); flooding stress hormones of Cortisol and Adrenaline into our system.  Undermining our immune system, we are more prone to illness and less able to recover fast, therefore sufferers of Chronic Fatigue / ME will often report the fatigue being the aftermath of an virus that ‘never went away’.

I believe mine began somewhere between the age of 7-10, when I’d been hospitalised 8 times for Glandular Fever / Mononucleosis.  I recall at age 20 realising I existed in a mental haze, oscillating between energy peaks and troughs.  I’d enjoy high activity such as crossing Borneo’s interior jungle by foot and crash for weeks or months, dragging myself through my days but not really alive.  I’d pick myself up and resume the demands on body and mind to ‘perform to the max’.  This eventually has to take its toll.

In this FFF state our blood, which carries vital oxygen to our organs, abandons the organs to feed the muscles, the limbs, to help us fight, flee or freeze.  The digestive system cannot function optimally to break down food into waste and vital nutrients so the body is starved of vital ‘fuel’.  It causes swelling of the abdomen.  The brain is focused on action, not on learning, so our intelligence is also affected.

Learning or undertaking tasks can cause a Chronic fatigue relapse for the Perfectionist.  The subconscious anticipates a mistake; that we won’t do it right.  Thus commences the vicious cycle of Stress.  Hormones flood in, tightening the muscles.  This inhibits the ease in executing a lush passage of music or a great game of tennis.  It chemically interferes with the brain’s ability to intake information during learning, thereby exacerbating our sense of failure.  This feeling of failure stirs unbearable reactions of defeatism, anger, impatience, giving up, continuing the chemical barrage on our bodies.  Woah, there has to be a better way!

 

Never give up - blackboard

 

The body’s response in life is to give up, thus preventing us over-performing.  The individual will experience some/all of the following symptoms:

 

  • Cloudy brain
  • Difficulty with concentration and intaking information,
  • Memory loss
  • Confusion
  • Generalised Exhaustion
  • Sleep difficulties
  • Weakness of limbs
  • No motivation
  • Feelings of depression
  • Dizziness and detachment from surroundings
  • Pains
  • Headaches
  • List-O-Mania – making lists that are largely left undone
  • Feel compelled to be ‘doing’ towards achievement
  • Inability to sit and read or watch TV or meditate
  • Overwhelm with all that has to be done

 

Even though it is considered the incurable illness, there is a very effective way of gradually returning to full health and energy which involves a two-fold approach, both tapping out old negative programmes AND interrupting negative thought processes.  So now instead of allowing the Amygdala run the show, we take back control.

Teacher & boy in forest

Chronic Fatigue / ME is a teacher, a guide and a saviour!  Leaving us with no choice but to slow down, we are forced to learn how to behave more respectfully of ourselves.  We release our addiction to anxiety; to driving ourselves harshly, developing a more peaceful, more gentle way of being.  When we listen to CHRONIC FATIGUE / ME and break the habit of negative thinking and panic living, we learn to walk the path ‘home’ to our true Selves, the Self that we are meant to be in this life; beings of Unconditional Self-love.

Part 1: https://neasadebaroid.wordpress.com/2017/10/16/anxiety-performance-anxiety-stage-fright/

Part 2https://neasadebaroid.wordpress.com/2017/10/16/anxiety-performance-anxiety-stage-fright/

Follow me at: https://neasadebaroid.wordpress.com/

More Information?

Healing is far more common than staying stuck.  My Guarantee to you, the client: Your issues will be dealt with in a safe and respectful environment.  If you feel ready to heal your life, please feel free to contact me to discuss how I can help you move forward.  Call Neasa +353(0)87 2535287 or email neasa@eftcork.com

Neasa x

Neasa De Baroid is a singer, performer and an EFT Practitioner in Cork City

Anxiety / Performance Anxiety / Stage Fright – Part 2

We are all Performers, whether in mothering or on the stage 

I am a professional singer who, through my search to end crippling performance anxiety, became an Advanced EFT therapist in Cork, B.A. Psych.  Combining Eastern energy healing with Western psychology, I work with a variety of physical & emotional issues, specialising in Performance anxiety, Stage fright, Dread, Exam nerves and Chronic Fatigue.  If only I’d known back then what I know now!

As a singer, anxiety sabotaged my dreams and kept me living small in my career.  From sceptical beginnings, I have been converted by the miracles I’ve seen unfold with Emotional Freedom Techniques and love guiding others towards their Greatest Potential. I work passionately with performers, because I want YOU to realise your dreams.  I offer private therapy sessions on Douglas Road, Cork city or Online healing via Skype.

This is Part 2.  To see Part 1 click here: https://neasadebaroid.wordpress.com/2017/10/16/anxiety-performance-anxiety-stage-fright/

anxiety baby tears

THERE IS A CHILD IN US CRYING OUT FOR LOVE

 

Despite being much loved, there is a child in many of us crying out for love, desperately alone because, try as s/he might it was never right enough.  Some primary carers create this unknowingly in trying to establish unreachable standards by which they expect their children to live.  Likewise, it can result from a carer who suffers their own anxiety or shame issues, inflicting their edginess on the child.  There is no safe place from the shouting, undermining, shame and an impression of being desperately isolated, alone and unloved in this environment.

This child, along with her hurt is often in a state of stifled rage; a Feminine Rage towards the male, or Male rage towards the female, that silenced the safe expression of one’s truth.  A child needs an environment that nurtures the unfolding of one’s colour, opinions  and creativity.  The alternative renders the child powerless and voiceless, living in an unending state of fear of expression, ultimately resulting in inability to access or even recognise anymore who they really are.

The Result?  An individual, who despite immense talent, skill and ability, feels it is safer to live purposeless, unexpressed, thus devoid of her passion, her message to the world.  Living without purpose leads to a deep and profound depressive state of despair, pointlessness in living this life at all, a feeling of “What am I doing here?”  An all-consuming grief; a Self that yearns to be expressed, yet instead lives small and silenced.

When that expression tries to break free from the chains, to reach out passionately, the terror grips and we retreat into a state of frightened hiding.  Safer to suffocate than to risk putting oneself out there and be made feel we’re wrong again, ashamed, and the desperate aloneness in concluding we are not enough to be loveable.  There is light at the end of the tunnel for those who choose to break free.

cropped-neasa-5.png

WE HAVE COME TO THIS WORLD TO LIVE WITH PASSION AND PURPOSE

 

When a child feels unloved, rejected, abandoned, pushed away, or too pressured to live up to some standard that has been set,  (this occurs in various ways. See https://neasadebaroid.wordpress.com/2016/11/29/self-value-and-its-tentacles/), an inner emptiness manifests as melancholy throughout life as we constantly try to fill the gnawing void within.  This is the birth of Co-dependency and loss of our power.

We spend the rest of our lives trying to divert from a pain which threatens to annihilate us, as we perceive being pushed away by others into Aloneness and Isolation.  We suppress SHAME (not being Good Enough to be Loveable) into our cells/our energy bodies.  This shame is then constantly triggered by life events.

SHAME: We feel unsafe when threatened by shame, so we spend our lives trying to deflect it.  Thus, we become angry and disappointed at ourselves for mistakes or lack of perfection, assuming we’ve exposed our seemingly inept self to other’s ridicule or anger. Others successes may be the only trigger required to make us feel inept and ashamed, unleashing resentment, exhaustion, sickness, self-sabotage, defeatism and depression.

This constant berating of ourselves and demanding of Self-perfection can lead to Chronic Fatigue, as in my own case, Fibromyalgia and Adrenal burnout, where the colour seems drained from life.  Believe me, the nature of who you truly are – light and joy – never dies.  We can pull back the clouds of trapped emotion revealing the brilliance that is always within.

Sunrise merely hiding behind the cloud

In a nutshell: We are all performers.  Whether through the act of mothering, public speaking, exams, or social situations, most of us will experience PERFORMANCE ANXIETY at some point in our lives.  Consider the high achiever who crashes into anxiety on the birth of her child because babies come with no manuals, rendering the high achiever out of control of doing it perfectly.

The following are the steps, in order, of how this anxiety develops.  Ultimately it is a cry for Love and an avoidance of the rejection:

  • TRAUMA OCCURS THROUGH UNDERMINING, OVERPRAISING, DEMANDING TOO-HIGH STANDARDS OR OTHER CAUSE
  • TRIGGERS SHAME REACTION THAT BECOMES SUPPRESSED
  • CAUSES CONCLUSION OF BEING NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE LOVEABLE
  • RESULTS IN SUPPRESSED REJECTION PAIN
  • OUR WORST FEAR IS FEELING THAT PAIN AGAIN
  • WE FEEL PUSHED OUT AND ALONE, FEARING THIS PAIN CAN ANNIHILATE US
  • NEED TO CONTROL OUR ENVIRONMENT TO PREVENT REJECTION
  • LEAVES A CONSTANT GNAWING ANXIETY OF NOT BEING LOVED
  • LEADS TO PERFECTIONISM, FEAR OF MISTAKES, HIGH ACHIEVING FOR APPROVAL
  • DIVERSION THROUGH RELATIONSHIPS AND OTHER ADDICTIONS, WHICH IS THE BIRTH OF CO-DEPENDENCY AND LOSS OF OUR POWER 
  • REFUSAL TO EXPOSE OUR GREATEST POTENTIAL FOR FEAR OF REJECTION
  • DESPAIR AS WE DENY OUR GREATEST POTENTIAL
  • FEELING OF NO PURPOSE – HOPELESSNESS, DEPRESSION
  • AILMENTS LIKE CHRONIC FATIGUE, FIBROMYALGIA FROM HIGH PRESSURE TO PERFORM PERFECTLY

I have learned through my own journey as a professional singer, crippled by stage fright, that Performance Anxiety is very curable with the right approach, with time and with learning to love and accept ourselves exactly as we are.  I now work with performers of all types.  My work is about guiding people towards their GREATEST POTENTIAL in this life, living with passion and purpose.

Healing is far more common than staying stuck.  My Guarantee to you, the client is that your issues will be dealt with in a safe and respectful environment.  If you feel ready to heal your life, please feel free to contact me to discuss how I can help you move forward.  Call Neasa +353(0)87 2535287 or email info@efteurope.com

Neasa x

Neasa De Baróid is a singer, performer and an EFT Practitioner in Cork City, Ireland

Anxiety / Performance Anxiety / Stage Fright – Part 1

We are all Performers, whether in mothering or on stage

I am a professional singer who, through my search to end crippling performance anxiety, became an Advanced EFT therapist, B.A. Psych.  Combining Eastern energy healing with Western psychology, I work with a variety of physical & emotional issues, specialising in Performance anxiety, Stage fright, Dread and Exam nerves.  If only I’d known back then what I know now!

As a singer, anxiety sabotaged my dreams and kept me living small in my career.  From sceptical beginnings, I have been converted by the miracles I’ve seen unfold with Emotional Freedom Techniques and love guiding others towards their Greatest Potential. I work passionately with performers, because I want YOU to realise your dreams.  I offer private therapy sessions on Douglas Road, Cork city or Online healing via Skype.

anxiety little boy hiding

SAFER TO HIDE THAN TO EXPRESS MY TRUTH

 

Excerpt from my book:

A terror resides in my body.  Sometimes I refer to it as Panic, Dread or Anxiety, for it is all of the above and far more than words can ever convey.  With me all of the time, it runs riot when I wish to express my talents and skills, leading to Self-Sabotage that manifests with a force of unprecedented destruction.  Kicked off by a gripping in my stomach, heart and other organs, tightening of breath, throat and sinuses, it has led to surgery, collapsed discs in my spine and now Chronic Fatigue.  My life, in truth, and my potential have been hijacked, as Performance Anxiety runs the show.

My body and mind can no longer sustain this ‘addiction’ to creating the WOW’s in my career, an addiction to other’s approval to feel good enough.  I needed WOW’s all my life.  They gave some semblance of safety, the only SAFE PLACE being Perfectionism, without which I am exposed to the jaws of the lion, the condemnation of Judge and Jury.

Anticipating slaughter by ‘them’, I am in constant state of FIGHT OR FLIGHT, saturated in STRESS CHEMICALS of Adrenalin and Cortisol.  This eventually leads to Adrenal burnout, a collapse of the body’s ability to keep going.  Yet all the while, the perfectionist keeps raising the bar, always out of reach, for yet higher standards, so a safe landing remains out of reach.

Somewhat like an elastic band, constantly overstretched, the cracks become apparent with years of CHRONIC STRESS and SO we hit CHRONIC FATIGUE.  It is the body’s way of saying “I give up.  I can do this no longer, for you have pushed me too hard seeking approval, seeking to be loved”.  I am exhausted!  A lifetime of WOW’s to meet other people’s needs at a severe cost to my own.

anxiety B&W girl shadow

SHUT DOWN IS SAFER THAN SHAME

 

The subconscious resolution to my determination to win this battle has been Self-Sabotage, where my body shuts down into overwhelming anxiety or sickness, the only escape being a demise of every work project I’ve ever created.  I’ve given up jobs and projects in which I truly excelled because the dread of facing into the workplace every day became more unbearable than the pay check appeased.  Concluding this job just wasn’t right for me if it made me feel this way, I was in truth running before ‘they’ would see through me; catch me out, see the charlatan in me.  Of course, this was a subjective view of Self, distorted by the ‘Not good enough’ filters through which I viewed myself.

The more I fight against this old programming so that I can live meaningfully and create an income, the harder my subconscious fights to protect me, forcing me to run, to hide, to escape, to shut down.  It builds up gradually, the stress, the anxiety, ‘til it implodes.  The longer I practise this way of life the harder the recovery process and the ability to bounce back.

anxiety old man defeated

I HAD A DREAM

 

On some level I know my brilliance; the gifts I have to offer this world, but some part of my subconscious is too terrified to allow me to truly expose those abilities to potential condemnation.  I risk someone ‘identifying’ that, in truth, I am just NOT GOOD ENOUGH and I anticipate emotional annihilation by SHAME so profound that I will not have the strength to survive it.

The despair that ensues as a result becomes more engulfing as I see time marching on.  And no matter how many therapies I have tried over the decades, nothing changes.  And Why?  Because nobody has ever identified this as Performance Anxiety and understood the ingredients that needed healing.

Part 2https://neasadebaroid.wordpress.com/2017/10/16/anxiety-performance-anxiety-stage-fright/

Follow me at: https://neasadebaroid.wordpress.com/

More Information?

Healing is far more common than staying stuck.  My Guarantee to you, the client: Your issues will be dealt with in a safe and respectful environment.  If you feel ready to heal your life, please feel free to contact me to discuss how I can help you move forward.  Call Neasa +353(0)87 2535287 or email neasa@eftcork.com

Neasa x

Neasa De Baroid is a singer, performer and an EFT Practitioner in Cork City

 

Epiphany – A Gift from the Universe

The lead-up to new year brought to a dear friend of mine a gift of an altogether different kind – information – How the Universe works.  Now, if I’d not heard of this sort of thing before, I’d have considered a breakdown as opposed to a break-through.  But I have this fortunate streak in knowing more than one lucky recipient of such insights.  I believe it will bring comfort to many of you.

Time is linear.  Neither past nor present exists separate from Now.  He equates this to standing in a river, the river bank on either side representing the past and future.  We have the capacity to ‘see’ only about 2% of the 100% that is present therefore humans need the illusion of ‘Time’ to make sense of even some of this.  Metaphorically, he explains how a coin, rolled along the floor of a plane moving 500 miles per hour, appears to our limited vision inside the plane to travel a short distance.  Yet, it has travelled from one city to another.

NOW is all that we have.   The potential for everything already Exists, nothing being out of reach – NOTHING.  What we perceive as the Space around us is not empty, for it is filled with this potential.  Everything around us IS potential.  We influence the space by our input NOW, thereby influencing its potential.  When we change some factor, everything instantly changes in ‘the Space’.  Nothing is stuck in the form as we see it, so our states can change – poverty, illness.  When we change the way we feel, the influence of this changes the whole world, the outcome.

Change our inner State.  Change the potential.  I was curious how EFT therapy then fits into this understanding.  He acknowledges that Therapy and Visualisation change our emotional state in the moment.  By making this change, it changes the potential for everything.  Every creature that enters that space influences the potential with the addition of its energy.  We have the ability to create and Everything is created in the Now.

This resonates with an Epiphany of one of my teachers, a man who was very overweight and had tried for years through many therapies to lose that weight.  During an ‘awakening’ he saw himself as the hub of a ‘cart-wheel’ type structure.  Each spoke represented energy emitted from him, at the end of which lay a different version of him – the fat, the sick, the slim, the successful.  He understood that the outcome was of his own creation, dependent on which option he CHOSE to focus his energy, his thoughts and imaginings.   Our  job is to focus on the specific outcome of our desires, trusting that the Universe is far more eloquent than our efforts in delivering this, usually in ways our greatest imaginings could not conjure up.  We create the outcome by focusing our energy on our desired outcome.  HOW this is to come about is not our job.

NUTSHELL: Our biggest challenge is to disregard our assumed limitations.  All we are asked to contribute is continuously visualising the desired version of ourselves and our lives with unwavering trust.  Let go of the desire to interfere with the Universe’s way of delivering, trusting it knows HOW far better than we do.  And finally, Patience.  It takes time to create our #Greatest Potential!

 

 

 

 

Home Sweet Home The true Christmas Spirit

christmas-revelry-jpg

Walking through the late evening streets of Cork city in the ‘Silly Season’ I was struck by the polar opposites of revelry, food and drink that spilled onto the streets hitting the same pavement where our fellow human beings lay, bedding down under the starry skies of Cork.  I thought of the waste of our hard-earned cash splurging on unwanted gifts for those who have more than they can ever consume in one lifetime.

A few weeks ago I met Melanie, 7pm, CORK CITY, FRIDAY: Speaking to this lovely English lady, forced to live in a public toilet, a guy carrying a yukka plant, lunged toward us, claiming “This is my city”.  “Is she still in there?  Get out, go back where you belong”.  My friend and I stood in the doorway between him and her as he aggressed in our faces.  His militant anger intensified like a weapon of control trying to prevent us having our say.  It reminded me of the unleashing of Pandora’s box, so delicately depicted in John Denver’s powerful poem ‘THE BOX’.  See Below.

Melanie is Me, Melanie is You, and WE the people have the power within us to make our cities hate-free zones, because it is MY city too.

Today I saw this group on Facebook, with a commanding video from (six-time Academy Award nominee) Irish film director Jim Sheridan.  It informs us that there are 6,525 of our very own people, adults and children, people like you and me; humans with emotions – dignity & defeat – who will sleep under the bitter Irish skies this winter.  Irish people are taking back their power and kicking into action in a Human-Rights solution to end HOMELESSNESS.

homeless-statistics

What if our New Year resolution is to look outside of ourselves for 2017 in spreading a ‘New World Virus’; one of Kindness, Sharing, Humility?  In acknowledgement that You and I are merely a few paychecks away from same Let us say “There but for the grace of God go I”.  I wish you all a very peaceful season.

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JIM SHERIDAN VIDEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsoX73Y5o-Y

THE BOX PERFORMED BY JOHN DENVER, WRITTEN BY KENDREW LASCELLES:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Wg4AeviJE8

HOME SWEET HOME’S page: https://www.facebook.com/Home-Sweet-Home-Eire-1612885472339949/?notif_t=fbpage_fan_invite&notif_id=1482166903612444

Neasa x

Neasa De Baroid is a singer, performer and an EFT Practitioner in Cork City