Self-Value and Its Tentacles

shame-statueDetermined by childhood messages, Self-Value will permeate every facet of our lives in the type of people and experiences we attract. There is no self-blame because it happened at a subconscious level at a time when the child had to protect itself.  Self-Value is undermined by environmental messaging from parents or other notary carers.  This messaging creates our life programmes.  To better understand this, imagine downloading Windows 7, with an expectation of accessing Windows 10.  Impossible!  We first have to overwrite the old programme with one that better serves our needs.

Self-Value is diminished by ‘Trauma’. For a child, trauma can be as simple as expressing Self in a moment of open vulnerability and trust, only to be met with responses that cause deep Shame, such as:

  • Verbal aggression/anger/shouting
  • Mockery
  • Undermining of the child’s efforts
  • Pointing out mistakes – ‘Wrong, wrong’ or how s/he could have done it better – ‘Not right Enough’
  • Judging, condemning, impatience with child’s efforts
  • Blame Game – Habitual in many families. Pointing the finger
  • Putting child on a pedestal from which the child fears ‘falling off to a huge drop’, the responsibility of pleasing the parent daunting and out of reach for them to maintain; expectation of parental disappointment resulting in a child assuming failure, hence never trying in a defeatist response
  • Setting family codes of ethics too high to live up to, by which the child feels overwhelmed and a charlatan; unworthy of being a family member
  • Teaching a child to put other’s needs, wants and emotions first at the cost of their own – perhaps reminded to consider a needy sibling or a needy parent.

 

A child’s priority is to feel safe in parental love for who they are. The above ‘traumas’ create a need to perform for conditional love, In these moments we download limiting beliefs: “It is not safe to be Me”.  “I am unloveable”.

We also learn to respond to the Guilt Programme. Now it becomes less painful to be a servaholic to other’s demands than to feel the physical reactions of Guilt, i.e. nausea, anxiety, panic, fear, cowering, “I let them down”, “They’ll think I’m selfish and dislike me and talk about me”.  From here on we may as well be a puppet on a string awaiting the command to know how high to jump in efforts to win the prized possession – Approval.  The Reward?  That momentary ‘fix’ that temporarily makes us feel safe, suppressing all connection with our own desires.  Alas, another Performing Monkey is created.

Is it any wonder then that this child becomes an adult who doesn’t know what they want, like or need; always looking to the guidance of other’s opinion in order to make a choice; leaping from one relationship to the next in a pattern of Co-dependency, desperately trying to fill the void of parental love and self-love that is left like an open wound within, waiting to be healed.

The same adult often becomes a PEOPLE PLEASER and PERFECTIONIST to protect themselves through an expectation of guaranteed approval, acceptance, love. Yes, we become addicted to love, our drug being Approval.  It doesn’t work!  We attract people whose love is Conditional on us being a slave to their needs, becoming the carer, the enabler, the shoulder to cry on, the one they can rely on to pick up the pieces; in other words Your average Dogsbody.  Ultimately it leads to anger with self, resentment of those who lean heavy on us and eventually burn out, loss of energy chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and depression.

self-worth

A FEW STEPS TOWARDS HEALING:

Low self-value presents in many forms in my clients. These are a few steps you can address on the road toward self-acceptance.  Refer to Youtube – EFT tapping videos

  • Learning to say NO. Until you become more adept at this you can say “I’ll get back to you on it” or “Leave it with me”. We can effectively tap on the fear of “They won’t like me. Do I need people that ‘love’ me only as long as I serve their needs. If that is love, then I can live without it. Time to say Stop to allowing others to emotionally manipulate me for their own needs”.
  • We can tap on fear of anger. It is most effective when we tap it out from its origins, imagining the person who responded to us through anger in childhood while tapping.
  • Fear of making mistakes. Can we change our perspective and see mistakes instead as a learning curve. We haven’t failed. We have eliminated one option on our way closer to success. In the final development of the light bulb, Edison tried over 3,000 designs before getting it right! We are human, nothing more. What if we accepted our right to make mistakes. “Resistance is futile” for whether we like it or not, humans at all levels make mistakes. It is how we learn.
  • The Blame Game: What if life happens and often there IS nobody at fault. In accepting this, it further enables us to feel safer with mistakes.

Neasa x

Neasa De Baroid is a singer, performer and an EFT Practitioner in Cork City

How my voice led me to EFT and back to myself

Neasa De BaroidThough I had turned my back on my psychology degree in pursuit of my dream of singing success, it was my very singing, or more accurately, inability to sing with ease due to crippling stage fright, that led me to EFT in search of setting my singing voice free to its greatest potential.

EFT provided a tool with which I tapped out the vast emotional baggage of the past.

During this time I told the Universe that if A BATTLE was all music could offer my life, music was over for me.

There was immense grief in letting go of the dream. Music took a back seat and my life as an EFT therapist began.

As I tapped out well concealed areas of Not-Good-Enoughness, Self-loathing, Non-deservedness, Shame and so much more, my hunger to live with purpose and passion intensified.

Tiny ideas for action began to emerge.

Rather than try to see the end result, as I’d always done in the past, I began taking the tiny steps being presented to me, trusting that I was being guided, yet not quite knowing how these random steps could fit together logically.

This was the huge step from ‘Doing’ to ‘Being’; from ‘Controlling’ to ‘Letting Go’, to trusting that the Universe knows far better than me how to live with passion & purpose.

Neasa x

Neasa De Baroid is a singer, performer and an EFT Practitioner in Cork City

 

Health Zone Presentation on EFT – Thurs. 17th Nov 2016

TappingHealth Zone Presentation
This Thursday, 17th November 2016
7.30pm sharp

Next Thursday night at The Health ZoneI will speak about the benefits of combining modern psychology with ancient Eastern acupressure to pull the clouds back off the subconscious.

My psychology training always left me feeling like something was missing in guiding people to heal. Traditional psychology treats a specific event as the cause of our problem or unwanted behaviour.

EFT however sees an additional step between cause and response. It looks to how we download emotions into our energy body in response to this specific event. EFT treats the downloaded emotion stuck in the body, rather than just the story of an event. In EFT, we stimulate the energy body through tapping acupressure points in order to clear the emotions that are trapped in our cells.

The big bonus is that I will teach you the simple yet powerful technique of EFT to take home and use on yourself, family and friends.

AND in addition to all this, Astrologer Martha Clarke will talk about how the Astrological House effects your energy levels. Now we could all do with a bit of that with the Super Moon presently hanging ’round with all it’s spiritual meaning. 

Limited places NOW available for this exciting and special event.

You can book your place here: https://goo.gl/i01PxN

Looking forward to seeing you!

Neasa

Neasa De Baroid is a singer, performer and an EFT Practitioner in Cork City

The Carrot and The Donkey!

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donkey-carrot-and-stickWe are all given a catalyst in life.

Rather like a compass, it shows us where we are and to where we are trying to navigate. This catalyst, which I refer to as our Carrot, usually comes in the form of our greatest life challenge. It is referred to by some as ‘Our Cross’ which we must bear.

However, if we can change our perspective; see it as Our Great Opportunity – a signpost directing us out of the darkness and in the direction of our Greatest Freedom, a return to our true Self, it offers us the chance to peel off the mask that fits too tightly, too restrictively. This release allows us breathe into the full expanse of our Greatest Potential.

It is a setting-free from a lifetime of self-imposed imprisonment of who we think we should be to be accepted, liked, loved; the safety net from potential rejection, isolation and abandonment. But ultimately it is a restrictive mask slowly smothering us to death.

I first heard the story of The Carrot & the Donkey as a schoolchild. It depicts a long stick extending from the rider dangling a carrot from a string. This potential reward propels the donkey forward on its journey. Somewhat like chasing a rainbow, the elusive pot of gold is always out of reach.

The good news, however, for those of us seeking freedom from our past is that freedom eludes us less and less as we move towards it.

My Carrot, or catalyst, was my voice and a passion for singing versus my battle with terror that virtually paralysed me into submission more than once. That quiet flame burning within me always enticed me back, so resuming my journey in hope of one day ‘enjoying the juices of my carrot’.

Terror made struggle in all facets of life. It kept me small in career and finance.  Socially, there were situations and people to be avoided.

Why? Because of an underlying anxiety – a limiting belief that I was not good enough; a joke. And I expected others to take me seriously?!

Forcing through the fear led to illness. When we ignore emotions we have buried in our bodies, the body grabs our attention to the need for change in ways we can no longer ignore. The body represents suppressed emotion as a physical manifestation. If not for chasing my carrot, freeing my voice to its true power, I’d never have invested the energy into finding my way home to me; accepting ‘Me’ as good enough.

When I did, the floodgates opened.

Miracles began to cascade on my life. Support systems ‘fell’ into place without effort; chance meetings with people eager to help. A new world opened up in complete contrast to anything I’d known. The old world, based on my old beliefs had created a life of pushing against a raging tide. ‘Life is a battleground’ was a belief that bore its respective fruits just as obediently as my new belief, ‘I am Enough’, was now bearing an altogether juicier fruit, over-writing the bitter taste of the past.

We are powerful creators in a bountiful garden. What we grow depends on the seeds of thought we set. What Crop (or crap) do you wish to harvest?

I have travelled through many countries which were part of the running-away from Me. Following the carrot however commenced a journey to deep-within places I never imagined lurked inside of me; fascinating lands. Sometimes travelling through the dark of fear, often with no spotlight, I wanted to turn back to the days of unawareness, blissful debilitating ignorance.  Looking back now I see it as the most inspiring journey of my life.

‘Til we have sat in the dark we can never know the brilliance of light.

My carrot, which at times felt unattainable, leads me every day closer to Home, closer to Me. Changing my perspective allows me to live as Victor not Victim, seeing the pain as an ‘Opportunity’, not a ‘Cross’.

It’s been a journey into wisdom that’s led me through the dark, to face down crippling limiting beliefs and emotions buried from decades past, opening my path to healing.

Forever grateful for I am the Donkey with my Carrot.

Neasa x

Neasa De Baroid is a singer, performer and an EFT Practitioner in Cork City